As professional Relationship Coaches and Matchmakers who also happen to be Black women, we identify with many of the struggles and frustrations that come to us. Although there is a huge percentage of Black men who love and cherish Black women, there is also a growing misunderstanding looming in our culture where a strong, powerful, educated black woman also means that in relationships she is angry, bitter, domineering, and emasculating. We hear the frustration in their voices as they feel in some way they are punished for going after success. We feel it’s time to promote the conversation of the “elephant in the room” and bring understanding by bridging the gap between perception and reality of dating for the modern day Black woman.

We thought we would write an open letter which compiles much of what our clients are saying to us and want their Black men to know. Here’s what she is saying:

Dear Single Black Man,
As I sit across the table from you in my tailored suit and my perfectly manicured hair and nails, I’m on my best behavior continuing to dot all my I’s, sit up straight, and impress you with my answers. Where I’ve traveled, all of my titles and accomplishments, listing every Board and position I hold. Showing you how perfect I’ve become with my diction and intelligence. But can’t you see? I’m really just Karen, Jeanine, Sharon, Lisa the little girl from Virginia/Dallas/Atlanta/New York who always dreamed of the fairy tale wedding and her Prince Charming who would one day come out of the blue and sweep her off of her feet to live happily ever after. Do you see that I just want to be giddy and playful holding hands in the park? Don’t you see I want to laugh; I want to reach across the table and give you a warm embrace while whispering in your ear that, “You’re my Everything?” No, I guess sometimes you can’t. I’ve arrived at this place because I’ve had to push so hard at everything just to survive, reaching down for the power within me that only God has granted me with.

I’ve had to PUSH in society to be well poised, to be the best. I’ve had to PUSH often against my family to show them that I could make something of myself and would be the first to go on to college. I’ve had to PUSH as a mother to overcome obstacles and show my children that they can be anything they want to be, through my example and the legacy I will leave them. I’ve had to PUSH through that failed relationship that left me broken after I took a leap…and gave my whole heart and disappointed me once again. I’ve had to PUSH to piece together what I think a healthy relationship looks like as I am often surrounded by dysfunction. I’ve had to PUSH in the boardroom to be heard and validated for what I bring to the table. I had to PUSH in my workplace and work 3X as hard as my male counterparts to advance up the corporate ladder.

So as I sit across the table from you I wish you could see, the same level of POWER that I’m showing is the same amount of LOVE that I crave to give you. But if I show you, what will you do? I want to trust you with my whole heart and need you to see me and not the hard exterior that I’ve had to use to keep pushing forward, but the loving, kind, sexy, and caring woman that I truly am. I STILL love you Black man, with all my heart and soul. I wish you could see the Power in me to LOVE. I wish you could see….

As always, we’re rooting for LOVE!

@Matchmaking DUO
#POWER2LOVE