We’ve heard it all before
As matchmakers, we’re often contacted by potential clients who say, “You won’t believe what I’m about to share.” Oh, we believe you. There is very little we haven’t heard before. The biggest complaints from Black singles are more common than one might think. So we decided to share the 10 biggest concerns Black singles have today with some quick tips to help. Are you ready?
” It’s difficult to find places to mingle with other black singles.”
If you’re over the club scene or have retired your seat at the bar, you’ve probably discovered that you really have to be intentional about finding places where singles would congregate. To make the most effective use of your time and resources, we recommend themed cruises. We just left The Fantastic Voyage, which was overflowing with single men, but there are also music festivals, gospel conferences, ski trips, major sporting events and more. Usually, there are a good number of single men at these events and the added benefit is the two of you are already starting with shared interests. Moreover, if they are attending, they are more likely to be gainfully employed and value travel.
“Even when black singles are around, no one speaks to each other.”
The age-old question we get is “Isn’t a man supposed to court a woman? I see single men out but they don’t come up and say hello and I don’t want to look thirsty.” Then the men will sometimes tell us, “It’s too hard to approach Black women, for fear of rejection or they often just don’t want to be bothered.” How about smiling and saying hello next time you go out? A smile is usually welcome and well received. Try following it with a compliment! The focus is no longer about not wanting to waste time, but rather meeting awesome people who may be the one, or if not, could possibly lead you to “the one.”
“It’s taking too long to make a commitment.”
At least three times a week, we hear that women are usually in relationships for much longer than they need or want to be without a title or timeline. We would recommend that you identify your requirements early on and introduce those conversations sooner. Don’t tiptoe around the subject, take it head-on and make your desires crystal clear. Yes there is a possibility he may walk, but if he’s not interested in a committed relationship right now and you are, it’s better to save yourself the heartache of trying to reel him in. Whatever he says, believe it!
You can find what you deserve
So as you can see, many of these concerns that you may have been thinking about are common and we’ve coached many singles to overcome them and get back out there. Life is short and everyone deserves a loving relationship. Keep us posted on your progress. In the meantime, here’s to LOVE!
“Many of our men are dating other ethnicities.”
This is nothing new. The benefit is it increases your pool of choices as well and what we’ve uncovered is that you cannot attach color to integrity, credibility, morals, and values. Join in and expand your search as well. You may be pleasantly surprised and wonder why you waited so long to widen your net. Love, happiness, and respect come in all forms and who knows, someone may have been admiring you all this time who you never considered.
“Black singles won’t try non-traditional activities.”
This seems like a myth that we hear often from both women and men but the more we talk to singles, they are open to trying new activities such as skydiving, hiking, jet skiing, camping, triathlons and warrior dashes. Don’t assume that the other party isn’t open to it just because they haven’t tried it before. It could be a blast and a huge accomplishment as a couple or even while single. Either way, these are fun experiences that also lend themselves to great conversation topics down the road.
“There are no decent black singles on online dating sites.”
We beg to differ. It’s all in how you search and knowing ahead of time the criteria you need to make a successful match. The way that online dating is structured, it’s easy to search for the man whose looks catch your eye. But knowing the type of man you need is even more important to weed out the ones who look good with no substance and get to the good men who may be diamonds in the rough. Try reading the profiles first and review the photos last.
“Men have so many choices these days, I feel like I’m competing.”
With the introduction of online dating and women being a bit more forward, there are lots of choices for men. But we’ve found that if you distinguish yourself and make him realize all the different qualities that make you unique, you’ll become needed and eventually he won’t want to live without you. Make a list of what he can only get from you such as your physical characteristics, fun times together and even signature dishes. That is your differentiator list.
“As you become more successful, the black singles pool gets smaller.”
We hear this all the time and there is some truth to it. Try networking with Blacks you have met in the circles you’ve joined and meet their families, friends, and colleagues. The more you expand your network, the higher the chance that you can find someone compatible. Also, consider joining exclusive organizations and clubs you’re interested in or attending some of their events from time to time.
“There are so many dysfunctional relationships, it’s difficult to model a healthy one.”
Yes, most families have dysfunction in some form or another. However, seek out healthy relationships outside of your extended family and by observing what has worked for them, determine what a healthy relationship would look like for you. We also recommend finding a married couple to mentor you. Then when you do enter into a relationship, you are armed with the tools to succeed and are confident in the role you want to play regardless of some of the examples, or lack thereof, that you saw growing up.
“Many of our men are or have been incarcerated.”
Although 12-13 % of the U.S. population is African-American, studies show that we make up approximately 35-37% of the 2.2 million jail and prison population. With this in mind, there are more Black men who are fighting to start over or trying to build their life after paying their debt to society. Is a man who made a mistake when they were younger completely off-limits? Or can you deal with this epidemic on a case to case basis? There is no right or wrong answer but we believe in DUOvers.
